Mastering the Trickle-Down Effect

For much of the time I was married, I'd been a stay-at-home mother and homeschool teacher. We eventually had 8 living children. I homeschooled all of them from pre-school, and the majority of them through high school graduation. My spouse had been the sole bread-winner.

When we purchased a restaurant two decades into this arrangement, I’d assumed the effect of that decision would be largely confined to his employment duties only. I never dreamed that the choice to buy an eatery would have such radical repercussions on the whole family, including homeschooling.

Late in the year, we penned our names on a stack of legal documents. The following day, we reopened the doors to Rosalini's under our ownership. The older children were eager to help as cashiers, dishwashers, cleaning crew, and cooks (alas, I wished they’d been equally as eager at home). The eldest son joined in as manager. It was all hands on deck from day one.

Trickle-Down Effect

I knew a period of adjustment would be required, but what I hadn't banked on was the trickle-down effect of entrepreneurship that quickly pervaded our routine. Teens working meant chores left unmanned at home and an increased need for chauffeuring services. The flexible schedule we'd enjoyed in our homeschooling had to be refined to meet the demands of work shifts.

Having been married to a chef, I'd never needed to expand my culinary skills beyond brownies, toast, and lunch items. Now, I had to figure out how and when to prepare the evening meal. I was an old dog forced to learn new tricks, overnight, while still maintaining the duties of our homeschool of 5 students and a toddler (2 kids had graduated).

I was overwhelmed.

Full-time +

Juggling the household of 10 individuals and homeschooling had already been a full-time endeavor for me. Now I was the only adult in charge from 8:30 am until well after bedtime (which never seemed to come some nights), 6 days a week.

I'd always anticipated my spouse's return from work. Not only because he cooked the evening meal, but because it allowed me a little downtime. He was another adult, able to answer burning questions and referee debates.  

Someone Was Watching

Nose-deep in my internal struggle, battling (and losing) temptations toward resentment, I realized a child was watching, intently. This young adult had his reservations about our decision to own/operate a business.

Faced with his suspicions, I had an example to set. I had to cast off my anxieties and embrace the challenges.

Since our long, adhered-to ways of doing things had been turned upside-down, I needed to find fresh strategies for keeping family life and homeschooling in order.

Initial Changes Implemented:

1. Divide and Conquer

Their father assumed the task of waking the homeschoolers every weekday. He barked out the orders to brush teeth, change clothes, consume breakfast and retrieve school books. I used that hour alone (relatively speaking when you consider kids barged into the bathroom and the toddler was often my shower companion) to put myself together. It was only an hour, but it did wonders for setting the school days off on the right trajectory.

2. Meal planning

On Sundays, I wrote out the lunch and dinner menu for the whole week. Having a visible menu cut down on the mid-day and evening debates over who wanted what to eat. It also helped get rid of leftovers. Thinking ahead, I factored in scheduling challenges. Preparing healthy meals with fresh ingredients was a priority. But cooking a labor-intensive meal after a full school day when you have to drive a child to an activity at 5:30pm was a recipe for stress.

3. Train more helpers

One son was in charge of dishes and salad prep. A daughter was the primary laundress and iced tea brewer (every house must have a person capable of making fresh-brewed, sweet iced tea if you wanna live in NC). Once they began working in the restaurant after school, I had to fill their shoes (or at least the sink and the tea pitcher). Therefore, I cross-trained the younger children. We all helped.

4. Get Out

I longed for a few hours away (being someone other than just Mama). Admittedly, when I was younger and homeschooling a bunch of little ones only, I scoffed at women who complained about spending their every waking moment caring for their children. But with age came wisdom. I realized that having time out of the house, or simply outside the demands of kiddos, renewed my perspective and recharged my vim (making me a happier, more patient mother/teacher). I worked Friday nights in the restaurant. And while it wasn't exactly time away for myself, it did afford me much welcomed time among adults. It also prepared me for things that were to come in the future (more on that to come).

New Game, New Rules

As homeschoolers, we were already engaged in a full-time juggling act. Such a significant life change, as our purchasing a restaurant, added a few more balls into that cascade.

The first three weeks in, I wanted to quit the show. That was because my focus was unclear. I was entertaining doubts and trying to apply the old rules to the new game. 

Identifying priorities and implementing new strategies solved the most pressing problems for me. It gave me the confidence to keep moving forward with all of my balls in the air. As for the children, they, too, learned the value of adapting (to new roles and schedules). They were all lessons best taught by example.

Update and Key Take-Aways...

The restaurant venture became a success. It survived the Covid madness. Then, it got sold, and the marriage ended. The whole story is long and much too complicated to tell here, but there are valuable take-aways that I owe to this period of time in my history.

1. Challenges arise, you CAN meet them.

2. Hard times come AND GO. Nothing lasts forever.

3. Reduce stressors where you can. Look for simple solutions first.

4. You can implement changes without marrying them. Change, and then change again, as needed.

5. No lesson is wasted. Everything has the power to prepare you for the future.

   
   
   
   

   

   We owned and operated a family restaurant.