Succeeding at Any Age: Mid-life Renewal

It was a Sunday afternoon in late August when my entire life derailed. Truth be told, the tracks beneath me had been shaky for a long time. But, I believed that I had no choice except to stay the course, and continue careening toward some long-distant destination.

That belief, that I lacked the means to switch direction, was owed to several factors. And both my faith and my role as a mother led me to accept the often unacceptable under the pretense of the requirement for martyr-level suffering.

Life Derailed

On that afternoon, I opened my bedroom closet, and discovered half of it had been vacated. There was no more riding on rickety rails. There was no more staying the course. The train of my marriage was officially derailed. And with it, my life as I had fashioned it.

Standing in that doorway, I experienced both a sense of relief and a gut-wrenching fear. I’d opted not to finish college. I’d traded decades of resume-building work. I’d poured myself out in service to my family. I’d pinned my worth to their happiness and success. And I’d forgotten the power of autonomy.

No Regrets

It wasn’t regret that I felt. I don’t regret the privileges of having been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother. But, when my life derailed, I realized that I was going to have to figure out how to build a whole new life from the ground up, while I was mid-way through a lifetime. That was freeing and terrifying.

I had less than $1000 to my name (literally). I had limited work experience and (seemingly) few marketable skills. I had no degree and no backup plan. There were no savings or retirement accounts, no stocks or investments. I had no credit to borrow against. What I had was a house with a mortgage, and a part-time income that wasn't enough to pay it. I had four dependent children, and no time to continue educating them (we'd only ever homeschooled) if I was going to become the sole breadwinner.

Those were just the beginning challenges I had to face. There was more to come, so much more.

Charity and Tough Love

Charity sustained us for the first year. The roof over our heads, the clothes on our backs, and the food on our plates came from charity. The means to protect myself when I was sued came from charity. It was a humbling experience.

Yet, I knew that I didn't want to remain in that position. I knew that real freedom and power required me to provide for myself and my children.

Admittedly, I struggled a lot with fear, anger, and overwhelm. I doubted all that I had accomplished to that point in my life. Everything was up for reevaluation, and the judgments I was settling on were not favorable. Then, during one particular conversation, my father said something that stuck with me and pushed me forward. He said, “Tara, you aren’t a victim.”

Track Switch, Not Trainwreck

Initially, I was upset by his comment because I was looking at it from a different perspective. However, in time, I came to realize that he’d meant I was not relegated to staying stuck in a victim role. Something rotten and unfair had happened in my life, but I had the power to rise above it and move forward. It was simply a part of my life, not the end of it; a switch of the track, not a complete trainwreck.

In fact, this hadn’t been the only hard thing in my life. We all suffer loss, heartache, failure, etc. But we keep on living, and we gain strength in the process.

The Rebuild

At 52, I had to rebuild myself. I had to let go of old patterns of thinking and expectations. I had to remember who I am, an individual with hopes and dreams, talents and skills. I had to make peace with the understanding that my children are individuals, too. And as individuals, they are meant to build their own lives. I hope to play a part in those lives, but we are each 1.

The rebuilding has been a step-by-step, day-by-day process. To date, I’ve been engaged in my full-time work as an office administrator, but that doesn’t cover all of our expenses. So, I side hustle by cleaning some houses and freelance writing. And I followed a friend’s advice to study real estate, which resulted in my real estate broker license. Writing and speaking, in order to inspire others, are where my passion lies; therefore, I’m chasing those avenues, as well.

I have no regrets, truly. I count it all as progress in the drama (and sometimes comedy) of life.